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02 May 2013 @ 12:42 pm
Cineworld survey fail.  

So I belong to a thing with one of the local cinemas (well, it’s a chain, not local-local, but, y’know, in the area), Cineworld. They’ve got an Unlimited card, where for €21 a month you can go to however many movies you want. There’s a monthly newsletter and sometimes they send surveys.

I just got a survey, which is so asinine I felt obliged to call Cineworld out on it on Twitter and just can’t stop myself from replicating it (in text form) here. I’ll only highlight the really irritating questions.

But before I go there, let me just also mention that they’ve just released a new Unlimited card ad in the cinemas, which features a dude having all the adventures and getting the girl at the end. I seriously sat through it the first time waiting for each segment to flip to being a woman protagonist and then back to the man throughout, but no, they didn’t do that. And at least some of their Unlimited ads say “Mr B Wayne” as the name on the card, so I said (again on Twitter), “So you’ll be releasing an Unlimited ad with a female protagonist and a “Ms S Kyle” on the card soon, right?” The person who does the Twitter feed liked the idea, but raise your hand if you think that’s gonna happen.

That might give you an idea of what’s behind the cut.

2. What Region do you live in?
North East
North West
East Midlands
West Midlands
East Anglia
South East
South West
Northern Ireland

…so in fact I can’t even submit this if I *want* to, because this is a required response and there isn’t a choice for the Republic of Ireland…

6. Who do you think is the sexiest actress of all time?
Angeline Jolie
Scarlett Johansson
Natalie Portman
Marilyn Monroe
Grace Kelly
Cameron Diaz
Emma Stone
Brigitte Bardot
Halle Berry
Julia Roberts

Marilyn Monroe, if these are my choices. So the next question will be “Who’s the sexiest actor, right?

7. Who to you think it the sexiest actress from the upcoming films this summer?
Cary Mulligan – The Great Gatsby
Amy Adams – Man of Steel
Tao Okamoto – The Wolverine
Kristen Bell – Stuck In Love
Vera Farmiga – The Conjuring

I don’t know the last three but if Wolvie likes her, it’s gotta be Tao Okamoto. Also, okay, so we’re doing the women questions first, we’ll get to the sexiest actor stuff in a minute, right? Also, that should be “Who *do* you think,” not “who to”.

8. Which of these superhero characters would you most like to date in real life?
Tobey Maguire – Spiderman
Christian Bale – Batman
Robert Downey Jnr – Iron Man
Henry Cavil – Superman
Chris Evans – Captain America
Nicholas Cage – Big Daddy (Kick Ass)
Chris Hemsworth – Thor
Mark Ruffalo – The Hulk
Hugh Jackman – Wolverine

Okaaaaaay, this is a weird general question, I bet plenty of dudes are gonna be uncomfortable with it, but later on there’ll be questions I think are just as weird for the ladies, right? And Captain America, realistically, because the truth is I have a terrible softness for goody-two-shoes.

9. If you could play the part of a superheroes’ love interest which character would you choose?
Lois Lane – Superman
Pepper Pots – Iron Man
Jane Foster – Thor
Rachel Dawes – Batman
Mary Jane – Spiderman
Betty Ross – the Hulk
Penny Carter – Captain America

Okay, the dudes are *really* gonna have a problem with this one, but Lois Lane, because Greatest Reporter, right? Right.

11. If you could play the part of one superhero which would it be?
Tobey Maguire- Spiderman
Christian Bale- Batman
Robert Downey Jnr- Iron Man
Henry Cavill- Superman
Chris Evans- Captain America
Nicholas Cage- Big Daddy
Chris Hemsworth- Thor
Mark Ruffalo- The Hulk
Hugh Jackman- Wolverine

Ah. See, here’s one for the dudes, I guess. Except it’s, like, totally not starting with the same sexy questions the ladies got, but okay, and, uh, I donno. I mean, if we’re going with these versions of the characters? Probably Wolvie. Who wouldn’t want to be Hugh Jackman?

12. Which of the Superhero’s leading ladies would you most like to rescue?
Lois Lane- Man of Steel-Amy Adams
Pepper Potts- Iron Man- Gyneth Paltrow
Rachel Dawes- Batman- Katie Holmes
Jane Foster- Thor-Natalie Portman
Black Widow – Avengers- Scarlet Johannson
Catwoman-Dark Knight Rises-Anne Hathaway

Okay, also for the dudes, but excuse me, WTF, you put THE BLACK WIDOW in a list of people who NEED RESCUING? EXCUSE ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO THE BLACK WIDOW IS!? Seriously, on that list, you gotta choose Jane or Pepper, because Rachel at least carries pepper spray. But I’m sorry, I’m still back there at WTF. *Catwoman*? Needs *rescuing*? Also, typo.

[ really bad questions about sequels snipped ]

21. Of the following ‘80s actors, who do you think is the sexiest?
Richard Gere
Tom Cruise
Rob Lowe
Johnny Depp
Kevin Bacon
Matthew Broderick
Matt Dillon
Harrison Ford
Mel Gibson
Keanu Reeves

Uh. Okay. Is this supposed to be the equivalent of “sexiest actress of all time”? Because it’s not. Not even a little. And I don’t know, Johnny Depp, I guess. Patrick Dempsey if I actually get to pick.

22. Of the following actors, who do you think will last the test of time and still be on the big screen in 30 years’ time?
Robert Pattinson
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Reynolds
Elijah Wood
Daniel Radcliffe
Zac Efron
Channing Tatum
Hayden Christensen
Taylor Lautner
Taylor Kitsch

…or maybe this is supposed to be the sexiest of all time question? Except it’s not even vaguely that kind of question, and Elijah Wood or Dan Radcliffe, because I think they might both be able to act.

[ questions about childrens' films snipped ]

…wait, that’s it? That’s the end of the survey? I’m sorry, where are the sexiest actors of all times questions? Where are the “If you’re a superlady who do you want to date/be/rescue” questions? WHY DO I NOT GET TO RESCUE HAWKEYE?

Seriously. Oh my God. I cannot actually believe these questions.

(x-posted from The Essential Kit)

Liz de JagerLizUK on May 2nd, 2013 11:49 am (UTC)
I couldn't believe these questions - inane and dumb - also, am I twelve? I WANT to be the superhero. I want some man to be swoony over me, gorram it. I think they're going to get a lot of flack for this because really #everydaysexism clearly isn't a thing, is it? Not in genre, of course. Nope, not at all.
Deborah Blakedeborahblakehps on May 2nd, 2013 11:57 am (UTC)
This survey was clearly written by the boss's 14 year old son. While stoned.
kitmizkit on May 2nd, 2013 11:58 am (UTC)
Actually, I think the real problem is that it obviously wasn't.
Deborah Blakedeborahblakehps on May 2nd, 2013 11:59 am (UTC)
LOL. Well, it clearly wasn't written by a woman of ANY age. (Or in all likelihood, a man who has been near a woman of any age for some time...)
kitmizkit on May 2nd, 2013 12:04 pm (UTC)
I suspect you're right about it not having been primarily written by a woman, but realistically, of course it was written by someone who interacts with women. And I'm not trying to take the funny wind out of your sails, because you are indeed funny.

It's more that I think *being* funny about it may help to detract from the problem: that real live adult people (odds are, more than one of them, since this is a large company whose survey has been sent out to presumably thousands of people) didn't see any inherent trouble with the questions they've asked or the underlying implications of those questions. I think it's doing *us* an injustice to say "hahha whoever wrote this has clearly never met a woman!" lets them off in a way that I think they shouldn't be.

I'm truly not trying to jump all over you here and I hope it doesn't feel that way, but if it does, my apologies and many hugs! :)
Deborah Blakedeborahblakehps on May 2nd, 2013 12:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, no problems--I get you. I just resort to humor so my head doesn't explode from the fury lurking underneath.
kitmizkit on May 2nd, 2013 12:07 pm (UTC)
Fair enough. :)
Kate Kirbykirbyk on May 2nd, 2013 12:09 pm (UTC)
It's also completely heterocentric, but we're used to that. :|

(Which doesn't mean we like it. I squee with delight whenever something mainstream accepts the fact that some people are actually gay.)
Michellesilkblade on May 2nd, 2013 05:20 pm (UTC)
It's kind of sad how very happy I was when a character I like on Revenge was revealed to be bisexual.
Earth-bound misfit: Dalekcaptainlucy on May 2nd, 2013 01:02 pm (UTC)
That reads like a survey that was put together by a committee.

A committee consisting predominantly of stuffy middle-aged conservative men trying desperately to think of the sort of things groovy young people like.
hegemony hedgehogagrimony on May 2nd, 2013 01:30 pm (UTC)
Kristen Bell was Veronica Mars (and, unrelated, absolutely adorable in interviews with Ellen).

I don't have a comment on the survey because you already covered 'WTF?!'.
The Bellinghmanbellinghman on May 2nd, 2013 02:16 pm (UTC)
Hmm, they seem to be trying to connect with women there. Just totally incompetently.

As far as regions are concerned, I suspect visitors to the Jersey Cineworld are also going to be going 'where?'.

(I can see more appearing in Dublin or Cork before any more in the CIs.)
Randomnessr_ness on May 2nd, 2013 02:51 pm (UTC)
Question 2 made me think Cineworld another of those UK-centric companies who forget that they actually have any customers outside the UK.

From there it was sadly unsurprising where the other questions went; it does speak to a general sort of blindness about their audience if they can't even remember that they're leaving out an entire country.
The Bellinghmanbellinghman on May 2nd, 2013 10:34 pm (UTC)
Yeah, they have dozens of branches in the UK, and one in Ireland. (Also one in Jersey.) So yes, they're forgetting two branches. If they want to expand in Ireland (and it would seem a territory they could probably do quite well in), then they're going to have to improve their game.
irishkateirishkate on May 2nd, 2013 03:08 pm (UTC)
I don't even want to comment :-(
Mary Anne: pixelpers1stence on May 2nd, 2013 03:11 pm (UTC)
Did the Twitterer respond to the thoughts about the exclusion of Rep of Ireland or the overt, if thoughtless, sexism of the questions?
kitmizkit on May 2nd, 2013 03:20 pm (UTC)
Not yet.
Alix (Tersa): Arnold--Go away! (tersa)tersa on May 2nd, 2013 04:00 pm (UTC)
Kari Sperringla_marquise_de_ on May 2nd, 2013 05:50 pm (UTC)
Hawkeye frequently needs rescuing. I love him, but...
ANd yes, that is one bad survey.
anthony_lionanthony_lion on May 2nd, 2013 05:52 pm (UTC)
Only one thing to do here; abuse the H! out of the survey.
find a way to totally skew the results.
(Maybe find a bunch of friends and all submit the EXACT same answers, preferably one that they don't expect. Most of these surveys are made to confirm what the marketing departments already 'know')

Back in the day when I got a 'response card' in a package, I used to really screw them over.
Income, picked the second highest bracket.
If years of school was asked, I picked the lowest reasonable amount(9 years primary schooling)
Sex: Male
Age: Here I usually picked the 20 - 25 bracket.
Then there was the 'Where did you learn of our product'...
Thankfully, they always had an 'other' option, so that I could write in the name of a gay magazine, or later on, gay website.
Just remember NOT to write your own name on it...

Just wish I could have gotten more friends to do the same. Might have gotten a few unexpected ads to pop up in certain magazines...
(Not that I would know. Straight as a plank.)
martianmooncrabmartianmooncrab on May 2nd, 2013 05:53 pm (UTC)
I cannot actually believe these questions

Yes I can.
apathys_girl of Marylandapathys_girl on May 3rd, 2013 04:29 am (UTC)
I went to a special screening of Iron Man 3. The manager of the theatre had trivia questions before each movie in the marathon. The words "This is one the chicks in the theatre can answer" actually came out of his mouth. It was in relation to Pepper's clothes. I think I confused him by answering a question on suit weaponry. 20 questions over 12 hours and only three women called upon. :(