Really. The whole damned thing is like my hair: the idea is there, but something went wrong. Not critically wrong. I can't scream and rail and be infuriated at how they screwed it up. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was not *good*. It was probably worth a matinee price, but certainly not worth more. It did not rise to the, "It didn't suck!" level of X-Men; it wasn't that good, and it sure wasn't that *shockingly*, *unexpectedly* good. I went in with even lower expectations than I thought I had, so I'm not disappointed, because I thought it was going to suck. I'm not thrilled, either. It's like, y'know how the first two movies obviously belonged to a similar but different Marvel universe from the comic books? Well, X3 belongs to yet another universe.
It did start out well. I thought, early on, "Hey, maybe they're going to pull it off." For those of you who saw Highlander: Endgame in the theatres, X3 has a similar problem: it starts out looking like it might be a pretty darned good movie, and then partway through everything inexplicably falls apart. In Endgame, the point where it all went to hell was after the sex scene.
In X3, the point where it all goes to hell is a BIG FAT HUGE SPOILER, so if you do not want to know about the BIG FAT HUGE SPOILER, stop reading now.
You're still reading, aren't you. Well, fine. I did warn you.
Early on, I was going with the flow. I went with the flow through the first big fat huge spoiler, which is that the newly reborn Phoenix apparently obliterates Scott Summers. I'd been warned about that, so I was prepared for it. And while I don't think it was a good idea, I don't actually believe he's dead, you know, because Phoenix-force obliterations are the sort of thing you come back from.
Bizarrely, nobody in the movie seemed to give the slightest shit about this obliteration. Even so, that's not really where it fell apart. It fell apart when Jean obliterated Xavier.
This should have been an incredibly shocking moment with huge power. Instead it's followed by a funeral scene that totally lacked emotional integrity. Logan, standing apart from the actual funeral, was the only one who seemed affected. And things...did keep going from there, but I kept thinking I was watching six actors in search of a plot, or possibly a lot of special effects in search of a story.
Nobody seems to have much emotional reaction to anything. There's no *heart* to it. Jean...stands around looking scary a lot, but does *nothing* else. The Phoenix effect is...cool, but there was no fiery phoenix payoff at the end, which was one thing I was actively disappointed with. Wolvie goes all Leadership Dude, which is just ... weird. There were so many cameos it stopped being fun. Rogue goes off to get the cure and disappears for half a movie. I kept waiting for her to show up and help save the day. Nope. No day-saving here. Beast was...like my hair. He was big and blue and furry and didn't use enough big words, or twinkle enough. The fastball special wasn't a fastball special. Colossus threw Wolvie, yeah, but he spun around a couple times to do it. Shit, if you're going to spend as much as you did on special effects, why not do the fastball special right? Angel was a *total* throwaway character. I mean, *no point at all*. It was just...
...like my hair.
There *were* some nice moments, honestly. Bobby iced up. That made me really, really happy, 'cause I've been waiting to see that for three movies. Jean held back Scott's optic blasts, and we got to see the effect of her doing that, and it was really cool. Logan had some good moments. Rogue did not. Beast did say, "Oh my stars and garters," which was nice. Kitty was pretty good. I didn't hate it. It just...meh. Like my hair. Meh.
miles to Isengard: 46