Picoreview: GI Joe: Retaliation: That wasn’t very good. I mean, c’mon, it’s a GI Joe movie. I didn’t expect it to be very good, but even so, it was slightly worse than that. I had the distinct feeling I was watching three completely separate, non-convergent movies that almost managed to converge at the end. Almost.
I got stuck watching it in 3D, which, don’t. Really, don’t. (Does *anybody* actually *like* 3D? Besides movie producers?) There was one nice shot of The Rock jumping off a building that almost made the 3D worth it for that shot, but there was no money shot of
Captain America’s The Rock’s hiney to *really* justify it.
Other than that, my goodness, The Rock has very big biceps and very white teeth. Jonathan Pryce as the President was the best thing in the film by far, followed (unexpectedly) by Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow), at whom I could happily look all day long. Ray Stevenson came in a respectable third for entertainment factor, but you’ll note none of those people is actually one of the *leads*.
There was a woman in it. She had two good lines and three sexy costumes (out of four, and the fourth was mostly not inappropriate).
(No, wait, there were two women in it. I think the other one had one very important line, like, “Oh thank God.”)
I predict it will make boatloads of money and they’ll make a third.
(x-posted from The Essential Kit)