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27 March 2013 @ 11:16 pm
Picoreview: GI Joe: Retaliation  

Picoreview: GI Joe: Retaliation: That wasn’t very good. I mean, c’mon, it’s a GI Joe movie. I didn’t expect it to be very good, but even so, it was slightly worse than that. I had the distinct feeling I was watching three completely separate, non-convergent movies that almost managed to converge at the end. Almost.

I got stuck watching it in 3D, which, don’t. Really, don’t. (Does *anybody* actually *like* 3D? Besides movie producers?) There was one nice shot of The Rock jumping off a building that almost made the 3D worth it for that shot, but there was no money shot of Captain America’s The Rock’s hiney to *really* justify it.

Other than that, my goodness, The Rock has very big biceps and very white teeth. Jonathan Pryce as the President was the best thing in the film by far, followed (unexpectedly) by Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow), at whom I could happily look all day long. Ray Stevenson came in a respectable third for entertainment factor, but you’ll note none of those people is actually one of the *leads*.

There was a woman in it. She had two good lines and three sexy costumes (out of four, and the fourth was mostly not inappropriate).

(No, wait, there were two women in it. I think the other one had one very important line, like, “Oh thank God.”)

I predict it will make boatloads of money and they’ll make a third.

(x-posted from The Essential Kit)

R.K. Bentley: IT Crowdrkbwrites on March 27th, 2013 11:33 pm (UTC)
Hm hmmm.

Yeh, when they bumped it from last year to this year we all knew it was gonna blow chunks.

Was the action better or worse than Olympus has fallen?
themysteriousgthemysteriousg on March 28th, 2013 06:38 pm (UTC)
So, we all *want* to like 3D because it would be awesome if it worked. But it doesn't. So we don't. But all those studios bought all those cameras and all those theatres have the capability. So everything is offered if 4 different formats to confuse the old and befuddled into spending more money.
rfrancis on March 28th, 2013 07:02 pm (UTC)
I still haven't seen a 3D movie since Magic Journeys at the EPCOT Center in the mid 80s.
tommycruisestommy50702 on April 27th, 2015 06:23 am (UTC)
The Rise of Cobra was a lot better.