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20 March 2013 @ 10:39 pm
Picoreview: Die Hard 5  

Picoreview: Die Hard 5: ugh.

I mean, on one hand, yes, it was a Die Hard movie, what do you expect. But on the other hand, mild spoilers behind the cut.

I understand that they felt they needed to start out high-octane and then crank it up. I get that. I do. Unfortunately, I thought they started out too high octane, giving themselves nothing to build up to, and ended with a big fat “So what?” at the end.

But even that wasn’t my real problem with it. My real problem was that John McClane is a cop, someone who cares about the people around him, and five minutes after he arrives in Russia, he’s running tank-sized vehicles over ordinary citizens’ cars. He’s sacrificing other people for the percieved welfare of his son, and I just flat out didn’t buy it. So they completely blew my suspension of disbelief ten minutes into the movie, and it never recovered. This from somebody who hooted gleefully when he shot a helicopter with a motorcycle in the last film.

Also, his kid is a goddamned moron. When McClane shows up and blows his cover, the answer is obviously not “run away from the American making a fuss in the middle of Moscow,” but contain the American making a fuss in the middle of Moscow. He should’ve pulled him into the frigging vehicle and explained himself while they were getting away. Moron.

Anyway, I saw this weeks ago and was still so irritated that I actually bothered to picoreview it, so pbhbhlt. There.

(x-posted from The Essential Kit)

 
 
 
Deborah Blakedeborahblakehps on March 20th, 2013 07:26 pm (UTC)
On the bright side, I was bummed because I'd missed it in the movie theater...and now I'm not bummed anymore. So this was like a public service :-)

And I went to see Oz the other day, and I am still fuming. I want my 2 hours and 20 minutes back.
rfrancis on March 22nd, 2013 11:30 am (UTC)
I haven't seen it (or 4... or 3, actually) yet, but here's what I know about the original, beautiful, perhaps perfect Die Hard: it wasn't at all afraid to start out slow. It doesn't get much slower than John's arrival, to the point you're kind of "...hello?" And even once hostages are taken and CEOs are shot and so forth, it's still a gradual boil until -- to me, anyway -- you reach that extreme point where McClane is on the roof and it's about to explode and now he's hanging by a fire hose and holy crap. And it's just berserk energy to the end.

What I'm saying is that Die Hard was like sex. And dammit, you need some foreplay. :)
kitmizkit on March 22nd, 2013 11:44 am (UTC)
*laughs out loud* +1, +1, +1 :)