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28 May 2009 @ 01:27 pm
Dear Sugar,  

You’ve probably noticed by now that I’m not coming around as much anymore.

I’d like to say it’s not you, it’s me, but the truth is it’s you. I find you irresistible, and the only way I can deal with that is by walking away from you entirely. You don’t make it easy, either, with your ice creams and cakes and chocolates all easily available and tempting. But you, in all your delicious forms, make me fat, and I’m tired of it.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s much easier to snuggle in your sweet arms and be fat. On the other hand, I’m sick of only buying one or two pairs of jeans at a time and then wearing them to shreds because I’m sure I’ll manage to lose the weight this time so there’s no point in spending money on more. I have eight pairs of pants in the closet, Sugar, and they’d all fit me if it weren’t for you. One pair is purple. How can you possibly think you can compete with purple pants?

Probably because most of the time you can. Most of the time you do. In fact, most of the time you bitch-slap the pants and send them running to the closet and crying for Mommy.

That’s really not very nice behavior, Sugar. Is it any wonder I want to see somebody else?

Well, now that I’ve brought it up, I suppose I’ll admit to it. I *have* been seeing someone else. His name is Swimming, and he’s much more open-minded than you are. I mean, sure, he makes me work a lot harder for the reward, but he’s more adventuresome. In fact, for me to see Swimming at all I have to spend plenty of quality time with his pal Walking, and neither of *them* mind if I spend time with their friend Pilates, too. Most days I hang out with at least two of them, and know what? They all fit into my pants better than you do. So where does that leave you, Sugar? What have you done for me, besides give me heart palpitations and an upset stomach when I over-indulge in you?

You played hardball, too. Right after I decided to stop seeing you, you sent your nasty friend Head Cold to break my will. I’ll have you know it didn’t work. Maybe it didn’t work because mostly I had no appetite, but regardless, you failed. It’s been two and a half weeks now, and I’m not missing you quite as much. I know I’ll never stop loving you, but trust me, babe. It’s better this way.

-Me

miles to Minas Tirith: 299
ytd km swum: 43.7

(x-posted from the essential kit)
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
Dan/Дмитрийicedrake on May 28th, 2009 08:56 am (UTC)
*applause*
Also, way to go on the strength of will! I should get more exercise, too :/
Janne: Leaf on the Windjanne on May 28th, 2009 09:06 am (UTC)
Amen! Now only if I could make as clean a break instead of this on-again, off-again relationship...
The Bellinghmanbellinghman on May 28th, 2009 09:42 am (UTC)
Most days I hang out with at least two of them, and know what? They all fit into my pants better than you do.

I have nothing to say. I just wanted to see that again.

*giggle*
kitmizkit on May 29th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC)
*beams*
Jeff Linderjslinder on May 28th, 2009 10:18 am (UTC)
I too was slowly departing the land of sugar addiction, then they came out with Pepsi throwback and it sucked me back in..

Shannachieshannachie on May 28th, 2009 11:06 am (UTC)
Ah. Sugar is bad. But Chocolate is worse. It is openly seductive. It sneeks up on you, surreptitiously finds its way into your cupboard, from there into your nose, from there into your mouth and straight onto your hips. It is helped by sugar, of course, but since I have vanquished my old enemies Biscuits, Cake, Ice Cream and Sodas, it cannot be the sugar.
There is something evil about Chocolate.
martyn44martyn44 on May 28th, 2009 11:12 am (UTC)
Fight the good fight, etc. You really - as in REALLY - do not want to get acquainted with Mr Sugar's evil antagonist, Mr Metformin, or the thug sitting in the back room paring his nails, Mr Insulin.
Harold Zablehzatz on May 28th, 2009 11:18 am (UTC)
"They all fit into my pants better than you do."

Does Ted know? :-)

I haven't given up Sugar, but over the last two months I have become regular pals with Exercise Bicycling. Since that seems to be worth a pound a week recently, Sugar and I can stay together for a while longer. Sugar is particularly understanding, as it's all an effort to try to break up with Anxiety and Prediabetes. Prediabetes isn't too bad to hang out with, but I'd really rather avoid her bigger sister, who *really* doesn't get along well with Sugar.

kitmizkit on May 29th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC)
He must, he laughed out loud when he read this entry! :)
Miss May: angel puppetvalancymay on May 28th, 2009 11:33 am (UTC)
I wish I also had the courage to step away, but I just love him so much - and I'd have to give up Caffeine as well, and then I'd be all alone. And sleepy. It might be an abusive relationship, Sugar and I, but it's all I've got. I've given up all my other vices; I can't lose Sugar as well.
Earth-bound misfit: Excellent!captainlucy on May 28th, 2009 01:43 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear of your split, but I know it's for the best. I hope it can be amicable and that you and Sugar can remain friends in the future. And good luck in the hippy love commune with Swimming, Walking and Pilates! ;)
T. Revst_rev on May 28th, 2009 01:54 pm (UTC)
I dumped Sugar and took up with Bacon.
(Deleted comment)
Wolf Lahtiwolflahti on May 28th, 2009 02:21 pm (UTC)
It isn't even the fat/weight so much (though that's certainly a factor) as the devastating effect sugar has on one's immune system. My allergies go through the roof 2 minutes after I've eaten something excessively sweet, and if I eat chocolate or ice cream more than a coupled days in a row, I am guaranteed to come down with a cold.

That makes it easier to say "no", though it's still hard.

The one thing that makes it easier is that the less sugar I eat, the less its taste appeals to me
Flitterbyflit on May 28th, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC)
Heehee. This is wonderful!

I'd like to dump Sugar too, or at least stop seeing him as much. But he keeps reeling me back in....