...because I am the first to answer the post?

...because I like to read?

...because I promise to make shmoo take you out to dinner if you find yourself in the DC area some night?

It's early, that's all I've got.

... because I have been searching my little country (Belgium) far and wide for your books and got frustrated because I couldn't find any of them.

... because it will be at least a year before I can visit the British Isles and raid their bookshops.

... because I've been yearning to read one of your books for ages.

... because I'm addicted to reading.

... because I would be thrilled if I just owned *one* of your books.

... because I'd probably buy all the rest when I get the chance.

... because I will send you some belgian chocolates/beer/whatever Belgian product you like as a token of my appreciation.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young princess...

Except that, well, she wasn't really a princess and I guess if we are going to be honest about that, might as well throw in that 'beautiful' may be a bit of an exaggeration. But, "Some average American gal" just doesn't capture the same feeling as "Once Upon a Time." Really, tho, does anything? Anyhow, so the not-really-a-princess girl had a horrid, terrible problem.

She was addicted to reading.

Oh, it started innocuously enough...her mother would read to her at night to get her to fall asleep, grandparents bought her books. But, by the time she was three, she had taught herself to read, and by the second grade the Librarian both at school and at the Public Library knew her by name. Every week she would leave the library with her arms piled high with books. Nothing made her happier than curling up with a good book, and she never understood why her friends and family would sit around the television for hours when a thousand distant lands, and a countless number of journey's were waiting for them along the book shelf. She loved books, loved reading, and was always excited to start a new story and fall into the wonderful worlds between the pages.

But she was not satisfied with just reading a few hours a day. No, not her. She had books to read at school, books carried in her bag, books to read at lunch, at bedtime, in the bath and by the light of her night light (kept long after her fear of the dark had faded). Slowly, the addiction of Reading A Good Book was taking hold.

This trend of reading her way thru the library continued until she joined the military and learned that in some places in the world there was no public library.

As shocking as it is to read here, imagine how it was for our heroine! Going from a solid diet of books available at any notice, then suddenly being re-planted in Guam, so vastly different than what she had known, what was a girl to do?!

Then the girl discovered the Wonderful World of Owning Books. And she was pleased. However, although the selection can be better in this magical world, it is also a bit harsher on both bank accounts and living room space. But a horrid thing happened to the girl.

She ran out of books to buy.

Oh, no, certainly the bookstore did not suddenly stop stocking books! And fortunately, her addiction had not led her to the poor house. But, one day while wondering around the bookstore, deciding on a books to read, the girl realized that she had read or purchased every book by every author that she knew or had been recommended to her. All that was left was the Daunting number of books that Might Not Be All That Great.

This was it. What would she choose to do? Would she abandon reading forever, or would she travel the unknown path in search of New and Unknown Authors, books which she had never heard of and which could be very, very good...or horridly, horridly painful to muddle thru.

After only brief hesitation, our heroine choice to find New and Exciting authors, and her quest continued even after she returned to the States and settled in an area complete with not one but several public libraries. Oh, but buying books is such a heady practice, how could she stop?

It was on one of these book buying quests to find New and Exciting Authors that the girl stumbled upon a book called Urban Shaman and decided that, well, it sounds interesting enough....I suppose I will give it a shot.

And no sooner did she curl up with the first chapter, she fell head first into a wonderful world, and was completely spell bound. Enough so that she rushed out to buy more of the same. High on the intoxicating emotional trip that comes with finding an Author You Love Reading, she found the author on livejournal and dropped her onto her friends page to keep up with what was going on in the Life Of An Author.

Possibly even more importantly, by keeping her friends page populated with entertaining entries and insights to the world of writing, our heroine took note of the author seeking clever-and-whatnot comments that may result in the receipt of one (or two!) books.

So, our still tragically addicted (but still strong) heroine sat down at her computer after a long 12 hours at work, and tried to think of reasons why she should be considered for the books.

She came up with three reasons:

1. I love to read, and would love to read these stories
2. I would give the books a good home
3. I would share them with my friend, who has a similar 'addiction'

She reflected for a bit on these reasons. The first reason was valid, but what person would be reading this blog/LJ if they too did not share in the love of books? So, reason 1 is far too pedestrian to really count for much. Reason 2 seemed just a little silly, and reason 3 seemed to skirt the truth a bit, since the full story to that would be only after significant "Nee-ner-nee-ner-nee-ner, look what I got!" type comments had occurred.

So, failing to come up with unique and reasonable explanations as to why she, out of everyone, should be chosen, our heroine realized that it was far past her bed time, she was remarkably tired and decided to share the tragic story of her life and addiction, in the hopes that perhaps this would be enough to win her a coveted selection as a recipient of a book (or two) from the author herself.

The End.

You win. I'm not even going to try now. :(

P.S.:

1) I friended you on the strength of your comment alone. Okay, I did scan your blog and also your icons, but you were just too funny.
2) I stole your icon.
3) Yes, I know there are more copies to have and I'm not on the selection committee so I can't actually say that you've won. But you've totally got my vote anyway. :)

Heh, thanks! I am kinda an icon-addict, although not quite enough of one to justify the extra dollar or two a year to add 10 more or whatever...but I try to rotate them out ever so often. Thanks for the kind comment tho (you should still try, thats the fun part of things like this!) and I have gone ahead and friend-ed you back. :)

Because this is quite possibly one of the best things ever?

Don't mind me, I'm random this morning.

I see your funny video, and raise you with this

I would try to find another funny video but am too busy laughing because my huge 3 legged cat has nearly done the same thing.

Completely off topic, I LOVE the artist who made the image in your icon. I believe the Donkey series of pictures is my favorite... :)

I would be ever so thrilled to own a 2nd copy of these two books, as it would allow me to enable a reader to your lovely works! I am in a 'secret pal' swap, and my recipiant has never read any of your books...I'd love to get her addicted!

I'd send baked goods, but I'm not sure if they will survive the trip from the States....what do you think?

Abibliophobia!!!
I love it!

(A dozen? How do you keep your stack so low?)

I have similar stacks. Do you ever have to explain that yes, actually, you CAN keep track of more than one book plot line at a time to questioning friends and family? :)

...because I've never been able to find books under that name (although it's entirely possible that I'm looking in the wrong places)?

...because you're not giving me another Walker Papers until 2009?!?!

...because grad school is eating my soul and I can't afford to buy more books and stores frown on you huddling in a corner with reading material?

...because I can send you to the cat gallery?

...because I'll love you forever and ever and ever and everandeverandeverandever...!!

Somehow I can't justify "because I haven't won anything in a while" as a reason...

So let's play the sympathy card.

Because your a *Kind* and *Generous* author who feels sorry for poor, starving students. (Note: I raise my hand to my head in a dramatic fashion, and give a pathetic little cough. To prove I'm worthy.)


(Also, Due to a my own lapse, I completely failed to order Phoenix Law, and thus currently do not own a copy of all your books..:( )

There was a young woman named Kit
A dayjob, for whom, wouldn't fit.
She said to her swain
'I'd like to entertain.'
'Write a book," said he "make it a hit.'

I'm not sure if I can top the other posts but...

You should give one (or both) to me because none of the bookstores in Red Deer (where I am exiled to study for a future in the health field) have copies for sale. Also, by giving a copy to me, I will lend it to my friends to read and convert them to mad mizkit fans, convincing them to buy your other books and therefore making you more money.

And if that hasn't convinced you yet, THE HERO from this post: http://fragmentpieces.livejournal.com/45479.html would like a copy to add to her spoils of war. But rest assured, the spoils would remain safely on her bookshelf and not in her stomach.

Because I need to read them to be able to interview you properly at P-CON next year. And because I'm trying to get Bryan Tablot to be your dinner date at the end of the month!

It's a shame that I'm sitting this one out. But I still haven't figured out what to ask you to scribble in them. It's really sad that you can write books faster than I can write little quips for you to write in them. The shame burns my soul.

You do realize that one of these days I'm going to make it to one of your appearances, clutching a box full of your complete works (except Cardinal Rule--one down, N to go!) and a list of suggested inscriptions? Oh and I'll be practicing the puppy dog eyes....

I have read one of your shaman books and none of your Strongbox books, and would be curious about same? Because I am a member of SFWA and have not recommended enough books this summer for the Nebula?

Because I would trade you one of my OOP novels, just to offer something other than vicious kitties and belly dancing gone wrong?

Because I've enjoyed your posts, and hope to meet you someday at a convention.

And now, it's my day to post encouragement to my peers at a Google list....

If you send me a book, C and I will come visit in the spring!

Maybe.

Hopefully. Hah. ;)

We'll see. K's job folks think they want him in Dublin for 2 weeks in either March or April, but no promises as of yet.

I would really want a copy of the Phoenix Law, because I love your writing. Plus, I am getting sick.

I would love a copy of one or both...alas I just checked Barnes and Noble and CARDINAL RULE isn't available there but I know where the really cool used book stores are around here in the big box stores don't have it.

Your LJ led me your Walker Papers and I loved them and have just gotten my husband into reading them as well. And then my icon kitty got mad at the fact that her food bowl was empty and took a big bite out of the corner of Urban Shaman this weekend. Maybe that means she likes your novels as well.

And as for story....well I have a few short stories that I wrote when I was young and in love...but trust me they really never need to see the light of day again :-)

Because I have the first two and am not capable of reading them until I have all three.

Because I am, unfortunately, on a book boycott as I recently realized I have spent enough money on books in the last two years that I could have bought a car. (I am on day 40 of a 90 day sentence)

Because I have recently rediscovered the library and have found that they do not carry Bombshell! They do not carry half of the delicious MMPB that I desire! Evil library!!

'cause I said pretty please? With a real milkshake on top?

Hullo! I friended you a while ago, but have managed to refrain from randomly writing things on your blog until now (which any of my friends could tell you counts as a surprising act of will-power on my part ;) ), but since you invited comments, I feel no guilt!

So now I shall tell you a true story:

Several nights ago, I think it was Thursday or Friday, I had a rather long dream based around the fact that I got turned into a mermaid. Or rather, turned into someone who could live underwater and above-water, but didn't have a tail. Anyways, after many exciting and random adventures involving such diverse activities as sneaking through a fish market, spelunking, packing a week's worth of clothing into a small satchel, climbing sand dunes, building a dragon boat, making wooden semaphores, and stealing bottled tea from my cousin, I ended up inland at a market square sort of place. There I walked into a book store and offered to sign any copies of my books which were on display. So I signed several books with a ball point pen which was nearly out of ink. The very nice store owner then gave me a sharpie, (despite the only other customers in the store being so disturbed by the concept of someone writing in books that they left) which wrote much more clearly. And that was the first time I was able to see my name "C. E. Murphy" in a nice round script. which was the first point in this dream where I thought "uh.... this is a bit odd." The end.

... because in packing up my things while I was in another state, my sister ignored my instructions, as well as everything else I said,
and not only stole
my bookcase, but also got rid of every book I owned that was still in my apartment, in spite of the fact that I told her I had already gotten rid of what I was getting rid of, and that many of the books were antiques/collectible/worth lots of money/had not yet been read. This included my leatherbound boxes copy of The Hobbit, ad well as my boxed LOTR set, and my entire collection of certain authors, incuding George McDonald.